Notions, are a concept uniquely found in Ireland which loosely translate to delusions of grandeur, but probably more accurately delusions of middle class. Not to be confused with the shop Notionz, though allegedly they do sell Newbridge Silverware, which is enjoyed by Memmehs From Across The Road all over Ireland.
Aisling is utterly obsessed with the concept of notions ever since she first became aware of them. She sees The FATRs as being the anthropomorphic personification of NOTIONS. She sees it in everything they do and sometimes becomes a little too locked on and takes photographs of "notiony food" to show Majella because she thinks that of COURSE The FATRs enjoy things like that, such as Prosecco crisps. NFATR is completely and utterly oblivious to notions in herself and in other people.
Examples of Notions Edit
- Having a cleaner.
- Sending food back in a restaurant.
- Not inviting everyone from BGB to your wedding.
- Gluten-free when you're not a coeliac.
- Drinking any kind of tea other than Barrys or Lyons, or drinking either of the two of them black.
- Use of a tumble driers when there's OBVIOUSLY good drying outside.
- Shopping in Marks & Spencer's or Avoca for anything.
- Holidaying anywhere that's not Grand Canaria.
- Serving food without plates, but especially serving food on wooden boards.
- Buying a new car more regularly than once every X number of years, where X is more than one year sooner than the person calling notions.
Things Aisling Considers NotionsEdit
1. Going to Trinity
2. Mowing the lawn on a Sunday
3. Any English sounding surname such as Johnson, Wallace, Young
5. Having a postbox with your English sounding surname on it
6. Beef Wellington
7. Excessive baking
8. Old ladies who don't wear scarves on their heads when they leave the house
9. Everyone who voted for David Norris
10. Being a bank manager
11. Having a lot of family in England or having lived in England for any period of greater than 1 year, unless you're her relation
14. Watching the Northern Irish news (Ulster Aisling)
15. Living in sin
17. Only having one child
18. Private School
19. Macaroons, the biscuit cake thing not the chocolate bar
20. Afternoon tea
21. Being concerned with the Royal Family in any way outside of the Royal Wedding. Not to include Mrs. Asho's love of Lady Di or Granny Asho's love of the Queen Mother
22. Referring to the above as Princess Diana or the Queen Mum
23. Calling your mammy 'mum'
24. Pints of bitter
25. Having a harpist at your wedding
27. Any kind of herbal tea (possibly excluding chamomile, but including Earl Grey)
28. Having a private gym membership
29. Being from within the Pale
30. Choosing wine by its label and origins rather than solely by price
31. Having a double-barrelled second name
32. Going to the doctor for a regular check-up rather than because you actually have something wrong, like your arm falling off
33. Salads that don't consist solely of lettuce, tomato and onion
34. Going to farmers' markets
35. Caring about animal rights or where any of your food comes from
36. Using liquid fabric detergent
37. Using fabric softener
38. Saying "Candy" instead of "Sweets" or "Milsean"
40. Watching "Greys Anatomy"
41. Listening to any kind of music with a Synth line.
42. Reading The Sunday Times.
43. Dogs that can't be used for herding, such as Chihuahuas, Jack Russells are okay because they're lively
44. Craig Doyle
46. Those shirts where the collar and cuffs contrast with the rest of the shirt
47. Having more than one set of cufflinks
48. Collections, such as collecting stamps or thimbles
54. Hiking, as opposed to going for a walk
55. Dressing up your dog
58. Fancy cheese folk
59. Owning a cat that lives indoors and whose sole purpose isn't to rid the yard of rodents
60. Watching David Attenborough and/or The Antiques Roadshow and/or BBC Jane Austen adaptations
61. Science degrees
63. Those folk that serve olives with their cheese. Olives... the protestant grape.
66. Fountain pens
67. People who don't like Ballymaloe Relish
68. Terry's chocolate.
69. People who DO like Ballymaloe Relish.
70. Forgetting your 'bag for life' but not trying to carry all your 'messages' on your body like some kind of human Buckaroo and *gasp...buying a plastic bag
71. Doing any course where the eventual job isn't obvious from the title like engineering, nursing, teaching
73. Being related, even very distantly, to any member of the judiciary, past or present
74. All academics
75. The name Nigel
77. First names that aren't either Irish, from the Bible or easily made into a shorter version ending with 'y'
78. Mothers who insist their children only be addressed by their full name and, by extension, their children
79. People who wait until after the Christmas dinner to open their presents
80. Calling presents gifts
81. UHT milk
82. Going "up North" for cheaper shopping and so not supporting the local community
83. The Property Tax, and water charges
84. Marks and Spencers
86. Men who wear scarves
87. Quality Street
88. Ruth Scott
90. Donald Trump
91. The Labour Party
92. The Gate Theatre
93. Martina Brooks/Nina Spellmeyer
94. Calling Santy "Father Christmas"
95. Quorn/Quinoa/Quail any food beginning with Q - particularly QU
97. A violin (its just a Protestant fiddle)
98. Any kind of cheese that's not cheddar or plastic eighties slices
100. Non-dairy milk (rice, almond, coconut, oat, soya)
101. Nut Butter
102. A well maintained grandfather clock that ticks very loudly
103. Green Salt & Vinegar Crisps/Blue Cheese and Onion
104. Paying for Water
105. Landing pages
Examples of things that are not Notions, Aisling Edit